I was at work the other day, and was going about my normal tasks. A client came in while I was with someone. I glanced quickly at him and at that moment, it did not seem that there was anything out of the norm. I continued discussion with the client that I was with and from the corner of my eye could see that the gentleman that had just come in was looking intently at me.
As I continued discussion, I turned to look at the gentleman that had now taken a seat in the waiting area. I’m a quite observant person, and looked at his hands to make sure that he was not in need of anything immediately (important documents in hand etc). All seemed the norm and I did notice he was wearing a wedding ring.
When I finished what I was doing, the gentleman came up to my desk. He now was not wearing a wedding ring. Throughout our discussion, he made more than the usual general conversation. Most people will say ‘how are you”, “it’s nice outside don’t you think?”, or any other generalized conversation.
His flirtatious demeanor and comments were nothing that I could not handle and I didn’t feel threatened in any way, however knew that he was making gestures towards me despite the fact that I was wearing my very visible large wedding ring set.
I ignored his comments and continued with the form completion that was required.
I turned around to grab a file in the cabinet behind me, and as I turned back I realized that he had just finished putting his wedding ring back on his finger. I made no comment, and finished working on his file.
After he left, I must admit that I shook my head from a bit of shock. I have been flirted with and complimented in the past (and it’s nice to be flattered), but have to admit that the removal of this man’s wedding ring did throw me off a bit. I know that there are people of all sorts, but it was still an eye opener for me.
I went home that evening, and gave my husband a big hug and kiss when I walked in and let what had happened earlier go. Later on in discussion, I mentioned what I had experienced earlier in my workday and was curious to hear his reaction. My husband called me “naïve” and said that this sort of thing is quite common in men, but he made it clear that he had and would never do such a thing. He continued by saying that he valued our marriage and family too much.
It really made me think about marital vows and why some people cheat (male or female).
Personally, I do not agree with affairs, and feel that we should have the courtesy towards our partner and family, to discuss the “problem” (whatever it may be) to try to resolve the issue. If unsuccessful, and we truly feel there is no alternative but to leave, then it would be better to break up, and not have an affair. We’ll discuss reasons not to cheat in my next blog, but for now, here are my thoughts on possible reasons people have affairs.
1- They fell out of love. Sometimes they stay in relationships because of children or financial reasons. They become so comfortable and don’t know how to get out, but feel like they are missing out on something.
2- Their ego is boosted. Most often it’s the thrill and not having real feelings for the person. Sometimes they feel like they are not attractive to their partner anymore and when someone else shows interest, their egos get larger.
3- They were allowed to do so in the past (meaning there were no consequences for their actions).
4- You and your partner argue a lot or grow apart. We all from time to time (and this is normal), but is the relationship is constantly critical and argumentative, or if your values and goals have changed to the point of incompatibility, you may not want to be in that battle.
5- Their sex life or intimacy level is not good. Both of these although different are both an important factor in relationships. It is important to communicate, keep things from getting boring and never stop trying to spice things up.
6- To test limits. That old saying “what we don’t know won’t hurt us”, it the attitude. They test limits and see if they can get away with it. The ironic part in this is that they forget that we are an advanced society when it comes to technology, surveillance and spy ware, and this makes getting caught easier now days.
7- To get revenge. A person will sometimes cheat, if they find out their partner has done the same. It’s important to remember, it’s not good to fight fire with fire.
Today’s life lesson is to review and nurture your relationship; look for the warning signs and work on those things to build and maintain a successful relationship.
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Great list of reasons on why men’s eyes wonder.
Many of us, including myself didn’t learn all that insight until after the divorce. We all had the usual excuses/stumbling blocks to clear and open communication such as working too hard and building the future for our children, getting involved in leisure activities which did not include the kids, which all young couples experience today and some that we did not. The most we can hope for, is that, if not by example, then through better communication in later years we have taught them how to fight for the values and goals they set for themselves individually, and as a couple, through open and honest communication, removing the obstacles to promote healthy and lasting relationships.